Cons

                                      Cons-


I never wanted to be criminal. But when I met Mary Nottage I knew she deserved hell. A rich snotty old woman who had no family no friends and plenty of money. As an aspiring author I often suffered from something called "Writers Block " The black plague of the art world. Debating whether or not to type this down was about a five minute dilemma. I only had one interesting thing to write. Otherwise I would never write this down. This tale of woe and criminal activities with a side dish of vandalism and bad hair. 
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The Con

I had never been the brightest person. I once tried to fix a toaster with a fork. Still if there's one thing I know its that stealing is illegal. And I love illegal things! When I was in college I stolen a car and parked on the roof of a Target. My long list of nefarious and criminal activities landed me in a job I hated. Working for an old woman named Mary Nottage. Ms Nottage was a rich widow. She was evil incarnate. She wasn't mean because she was old or because her father was killed by Batman or anything. She was mean because it made her feel important.

Before I start flying off the handle on Ms Nottage you would probably like to know a bit about me? I am the narrator omnipresent ever knowing omniscient. The prospect of actually sitting down and writing was terrifying facing criticism and hate. This was particularly why I hated Ms Nottage. For all the work I did. All the dishes I scrubbed all the floors I cleaned I got nothing.

And then one day I had had my fill. I stormed up the marble staircase towards Nottage's bedroom. She threw off her apron and walked up to the door.

And then I stopped.

I could never get any work it was only by chance there was a vacancy. What would I do? Live on the street and wash cars. I was such a coward. Terrified of an old woman. But to be fair her evil eyes and taunting smile would make the Devil piss himself.

But enough about me! We have other characters to get through.
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                                        Joyce

Joyce Adan was a maid. Not the kind of maid who wears a French uniform. She was the kind of maid who did all the back work. Cooking, cleaning, she ran the house. Never once was she thanked. No vacations no sympathy. work every day.

 She never got to have a family or have kids. She had been to busy taking care of other people. She was the most selfless and wonderful person to know. She put up with everything. Always wise and kind. The mother of the house.

Joyce had worked at that house for 20 years. She was finally retiring. We(the staff) had pitched in enough money for her to buy a cheap house in Florida. She could spend the remainder of her days relaxing. A nice payoff for all her hard work.

She left that day. We persuaded Ms Nottage to give us the day off. She didn't even say goodbye. To her Joyce was just a vacuum that had broken down. Now to be chucked in the bin and replaced with some other poor cleaning utensil.

We wished her goodbye at the airport. Waving madly as she looked out the window of the plane at us. Me must have looked like idiots. God we envied her.

                                      Spit Take

Every night when Ms Nottage dinner came around we would gather around her dinner and engage in a time honored tradition.

We would spit in her food.

"2,000 miles isn't far enough from Nottage!"I spat

"You could hear her cackeling from the moon!"Billy spat

"Her smile is like knives in your ears!"Rose

"To Ms Nottage and her dreadful bark!"We all spat.

All little habit of ours was to take all the rotten evil food the Ms Nottage refused to throw out and chuck it into the koi pond. When Ms Nottage woke up in the morning her fish would be floating around in the garbage. Her little dogs chewing on there rotten carcasas.